The Great NASCAR Inspector Inqusition!

By Marc, Thunder Lounge
Published on Thunder Lounge.

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How NASCAR operates before, during and after an event is always under scrutiny.

Condemnation comes from all sides. Fans, the press (both “beat reporters” and drive-bys that don’t now their ass from their hat) and those of us in the racing blogosphere, commonly called The Exalted, all take shots at Peoples Commissar of NASCAR Affairs (a/k/a Brian France) & Co on a regular basis.

Much of the column space and bandwidth is devoted to how NASCAR’s troop of inspectors go about their jobs and it’s not often one gets a chance to hear their side.

Well, thanks to Meredith Long of the The Sporting News we have that opportunity. What follows is a Q & A session Long conducted with NASCAR inspector Jim Wagner-Brownell.

(NOTE: Wagner-Brownell is real, his answers have been edited for “brevity.” Some would call it “literary license” or “artistic expression,” I’ll stick with brevity.)

How did you get started in NASCAR?

“Well Meredith, originally I wanted to be an optometrist but soon discovered I suffered from an extreme case of myopia, a condition of the eye in which objects can only be seen distinctly when near to the eye. In my case a 1/4 inch close. I always enjoyed NASCAR and figured, damn those cars are SO BIG myopia wouldn’t be a problem.”

What is the craziest thing you’ve seen on pit road?

“Oh wow, there’s so many things. One time Dick Trickle tossed a Depends out of his window and it hit the jackman square in the face. That one cost 15 seconds getting those sticky strips off his face before the car got off the ground.

“Then there was the time Mark Martin lost a minute and a half thanking his crew for the 13 second stop 40 laps previously. A real gentleman that Martin.”

What is the hardest part about your job?

“You have to ask? It’s that damnable Mythical Rulebook!” It changes more often than Lohan hits rehab.”

“And then… then there’s that CORN thing. They roll one into the inspection stall and I get the overwhelming feeling I’m Dr. Frankenstein as that crab-like thing encloses it! It’s gotten so bad I’ve retained Dr. Phil for the 2008 season when the CORN goes full time!”

What is the one thing you see that doesn’t pass inspection the most?

“The Mythical Rulebook. With every reprinting it contains more spelling errors, grammatical faux pas and the worst part, each edition has another chapter printed in disappearing ink! I suspect by the 2010 season the entire thing will look like Saran Wrap”

“Oh, did I mention Jet Fuel Meredith? It fails every time.”

There you have it, the ever elusive NASCAR Inspector, unplugged! The Half-Vast Staff of Thunder Lounge would like to thank Meredith Long for this rare chance to get behind the scenes.

WAY, behind the scenes!

Share your thoughts!.

Filed Under: Marc Boland, Nascar, Ridiculous Posts, The People Of Nascar





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By Clance' McClannahan, Thunder Lounge
Sunday July 22, 2007
5:56pm CDT
Published on Thunder Lounge.

After hours of searching and researching, I believe I have found the Ultimate Answer’s to the many questions posed on Thunder Lounge.com.

Yes, Marc, “Word is he’s been suspended under NASCAR’s Mythical Rulebook Section 12-4-A, “actions detrimental to stock car racing.” The exact violation hasn’t been detailed but indications are Luke was seen in the Texas Motor Speedway infield selling cheap copies of the Mythical Rulebook while wearing a gold tin foil hat.”

There have been many violations, one in particular, which brought about the horrid act, and turned the suspended one into a computer geek.

The exact violation of Section 12-4-A, “actions detrimental to stock car racing” was this post. Once up a time there was someone who dared such a dis’ to my driver… She however, was only put on probation for a first time violation. as she made the comments in ignorance, not being a NASCAR fan.

On the other hand, should Mr. Luke be given another chance? If so, how many? Just one? Two?
Or shall we say three strikes and you are out and just take over Thunder Lounge? Should we send him to Bash and Beat Up Tony Rehab in some nutzo forum somewhere, or would that be too harsh of a punishment?

I truly wish to recieve such marvelous feedback on post as was given to Aaron Fike, Don’t Let the Pit Gate Hit You. I, being the toothless hillbilly that I am, missed out on that lovely little party. The gate was locked, and rightfully so.

I had planned on doing a post about random drug use in NASCAR prior to the fire elementals threatening my home. Old news now. I have a pretty broad outlook and open mind. I too, believe that, in the world of NASCAR, there is no room for another chance. The sport is way too dangerous to have someone who is using drugs anywhere near a race car or truck. Yes, even if it was only mariwhanna.

Aaron Fike was not using “only” pot. He was using HEROIN, and shooting it up with NEEDLES. Now, I come from the old hippi world, and even in the 60’s and 70’s, “back in my days”, shooting up, meant SKANK. Heroin meant waaaaayyyy out of control. Not cool. In this day and age, the drugs are stronger and much more dangerous, and addictive. I do hope he, his gal, and the other NASCAR driver’s who have issues with addiction, get the help they need. But second chance in NASCAR? No way.

I do think, that after proper rehab, we should give ol’ Luke a second chance. He and Marc both need new hats, which was the second reason for suspension.
Why wasn’t Marc suspended for such an outlandish, blatent defiance of NASCAR’s Mythical Rulebook Section 12-4-A, “actions detrimental to stock car racing.”.
Because he was creative about it, I guess. When will the rules ever be the same for all?
By the way, the propellor has been found. It’s on the back of some guys bike.
While I was searching for it, I also found a picture of why I believe NASCAR driver’s should just say no to drugs.

On a final note, today’s deep thought:

Handle every situation like a dog.
If you can’t eat it or screw it,
Piss on it and walk away.

(I have edited and edited and cannot get this to format correctly, therefore I am taking my own advise)

Any questions??

9 comments. Add your 2 cents!.

Filed Under: Damn Good Points, Drivers, Guest Authors, Nascar, Ridiculous Posts, Thunder Lounge





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By Luke, Thunder Lounge
Wednesday January 10, 2007
10:44am CST
Published on Thunder Lounge.

I’d say this will be a difficult thing to find, but one only has to venture to the Scene Daily blog when they post “reader letters” to read some of the most ridiculous posts on the web.

In this first dish of “Ridiculous Posts”, I bring to you the one who still finds that there is too many races on cable networks, and therefore can’t watch them.

Think I’m joking? Have a look at it.

Apparently, this idiot has never heard of DirecTV, or Dish. I’ll take the first, thanks.

Share your thoughts!.

Filed Under: Features, Nascar, Ridiculous Posts





Trackback URL for: Ridiculous Post: Too Much Cable